Credit given to Wosret- a forum acquaintance

1) Losing control: My greatest fear, is the lack of, or the suspension of control. That I’m not in control, that it was my nature that brought me both failure and success in every case, and not because I willed it so. That I’m not in control of my thoughts, my feelings, my desires, my reactions, my interpretations, my words — that the death grip may loosen on the reins of my mind, or that I’m been clasping the wrong thing.

2) Being evil: That my judgements, feelings, and values are all wrong. That I’m entirely wrong in the most important ways. That I’m the villain, and not the hero. That I should lose, and not win. That my influence is negative, my intuition wrapped, or malformed. That if I were to reveal myself for judgement, that I would be condemned.

3) Trusting, or faith: I trust nothing and no one. I wish to be able to revise, abandon, change, swap, or go back on everything I think and do, at all times, and at a whim. However I no more trust the new than I did the old, and like a paranoid Stalin, I am just looking for excuses to exercise the next cleansing.

4) Being weak: that I lack the resolve, the push, the drive, the strength, the life to make hard choices, and to be able to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. That I’m too weak to protect anyone, or anything.

5) That I’m a coward: that fear halts me, blocks me, prevents me, every time. That fear makes me rationalize, conjecture, and inflate the mundane to be worthy of eliciting fear in me. That my only real demon is fear, that it is a puny demon, inflated by hot air and bluster.

6) Being alone forever: that my pursuit for a “worthy person” is a game I’m playing with myself. That no one will ever be good enough, because I’m the biggest asshole on the planet.

7) That I let everyone down: That I almost intentionally strive to not meet expectations, or obligations.

8) Drowning: don’t like deep water, almost drowned twice before I was ten, so water is scary shit to me now.

9) Not meeting/exceeding my potential: holding myself back, because I dislike direct attention. Although I’m extremely found of indirect attention. For instance I’d greatly enjoy it if a piece of my writing were to become hugely famous, but it would be detrimental to my health for my person to gain equal attention.

10) Being known: while I’m a mystery, I can be exaggerated, eccentric, odd, out of place, interesting, and just ripe with fancy. When I’m known, I’m mundane, I’m common place, I’m uninteresting.