“On our earth we can only love with suffering and through suffering. We cannot love otherwise, and we know of no other sort of love. I want suffering in order to love. I long, I thirst, this very instant, to kiss with tears the earth that I have left, and I don’t want, I won’t accept life on any other!”
- Fyodor Dostoevsky
-_________-
“I think it is fairly clear why none of us do experience something beyond the mere watching. There may be rare moments of an emotional state in which we see, as it were, the clarity of the sky between clouds, but I do not mean anything of that kind. All such experiences are temporary and have very little significance. The questioner wants to know why, after these many years of watching, he hasn’t found the deep waters. Why should he find them? Do you understand? You think that by watching your own thoughts you are going to get a reward: if you do this, you will get that. You are really not watching at all, because your mind is concerned with gaining a reward. You think that by watching, by being aware, you will be more loving, you will suffer less, be less irritable, get something beyond; so your watching is a process of buying. With this coin you are buying that, which means that your watching is a process of choice; therefore it isn’t watching, it isn’t attention. To watch is to observe without choice, to see yourself as you are without any movement of desire to change, which is an extremely arduous thing to do; but that doesn’t mean that you are going to remain in your present state. You do not know what will happen if you see yourself as you are without wishing to bring about a change in that which you see. Do you understand?
I am going to take an example and work it out, and you will see. Let us say I am violent, as most people are. Our whole culture is violent; but I won’t enter into the anatomy of violence now, because that is not the problem we are considering. I am violent, and I realize that I am violent. What happens? My immediate response is that I must do something about it, is it not? I say I must become non-violent. That is what every religious teacher has told us for centuries: that if one is violent one must become non-violent. So I practice, I do all the ideological things. But now I see how absurd that is, because the entity who observes violence and wishes to change it into non-violence, is still violent. So I am concerned, not with the expression of that entity, but with the entity himself. You are following all this, I hope? Now, what is that entity who says, “I must not be violent”? Is that entity different from the violence he has observed? Are they two different states? Surely, the violence and the entity who says, “I must change violence into non-violence”, are both the same. To recognize that fact is to put an end to all conflict, is it not? There is no longer the conflict of trying to change, because I see that the very movement of the mind not to be violent is itself the outcome of violence.
So, the questioner wants to know why it is that he cannot go beyond all these superficial wrangles of the mind. For the simple reason that, consciously or unconsciously, the mind is always seeking something, and that very search brings violence, competition, the sense of utter dissatisfaction. It is only when the mind is completely still that there is a possibility of touching the deep waters.”
- Jiddu Krishnamurti
In the end, I lost my will and I returned to my wretched self. I’ve purposely developed a Nietzchean pride to subjugate the wills of others and to live up to my values, but I’ve hurt others along the way including myself.
“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.”
- Leo Tolstoy (War and Peace)
I need to find another way to become stronger.
I was stuck outside so I hung out at the track… I got bored so I started reading cause I had nothing else to do.. I liked this quote.
“The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself.”
- Fyodor Dostoevsky (from: The Brothers Karamazov)
Zosima here explains the oncept that the path to virtue is through honesty with oneself. A man who lies to himself is unable to perceive the truth around him. Because his surroundings make him suspicious, and because he cannot believe in anything not God, not other people and he ceases to respect or to love mankind and thus falls into sin. Honest self-knowledge, which all of us lack, can best be attained through suffering. I think there is something valuable to learn from our frustrations.
I was outside locked out from my house for 5 hours and none of my friends would pick up.
- Albert Einstein
I hope one day Koreans will understand the stupidity in that lack of humility.
“There is much complaining about my “eccentricities.” But since it is not known where my center is, it won’t be easy to find out where or when I have thus far been ‘eccentric.’ It was a highly dangerous experiment; now that I know it did not ruin me, I also know what significance it had for me, it was the most severe test of my character. Have you grasped nothing of the reason why I am in the world?”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I want to move forward in life.
I think I wasted a year of all the joys that I could’ve experienced. =\
“The impulse to take life strivingly is indestructible in the race. Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”
“My thinking is first and last and always for the sake of my doing. The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
- William James
Too much to rant, and can’t rant whatever I want ==;
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less”
- C.S Lewis
For many intellectuals, they feel a sense of hopelessness s in a world that either rejects or ignores them. They are nobody in the world and how meaningless does the pursuit of truth seem to be when we are surrounded by a crowd? What is the use of being profound to a seemingly godless and meaningless world? Nothing feels so lonely as to feel high upon the mountains, but laugh in sorrow. But those who can’t contribute anything to the knowledge of humanity, look down on the fields of those who seem ignorant to the nature of the world but can only look at higher mountains filled with people who are superior to them. Being in the middle, segregated from everyone else. Many philosophers, unlike the stereotypical notion, must like “unwisely” towered over by the expanding scientific materialism that dominates the postmodern society. To live in such insanity, what more is life than to wait to die?
From what I see for many people in this condition who look up to Nietzsche, find in him of what not really is hope, but what he conditions the acceptance of the individual’s own inner being and desires. We can not feel hope in this world nor does our rationality let us have faith in a god, so we can only find meaning in ourselves, our own lives, to become our “own god.” In a life without any hope for an afterlife, Nietzsche understood that to live life to the fullest is to live without any shame or repression. We can not see any value in the world, so we need to live by our own values and take pride in who we are and who we want to become. Otherwise, we would have to take restrict ourselves to comfort or resort to Nihilism.
This is the power of Nietzsche’s genius, to assert yourself onto the world instead of it determining your fate and to overcome man in order to climb higher upon the mountains themselves. If there is no afterlife, this life is the only life you have and the only life that matters. If anything, this life is your eternal life. Then life could be lived both freely and through struggling; the individual will be able to find meaning in every moment as if it was to be lived out for eternity. I felt his words and I came to grasp his understanding of human nature and what it desires to become. He was extremely relatable to me and my life and it seemed like he was reaching out to me in particular as an individual.
This is Nietzsche’s World
Why did I reject this? I came to the understanding that such a life was empty instead of the fulfillment Nietzsche conceived of. I discovered the spirit of love and the Kingdom of God, and any other life seemed to me as a misery.
I have no money, something I feel I shouldn’t complain. In any case, I’m glad I wasn’t born into a family with a lot of money as now I’m not blind to what’s actually valuable.
But food is different………..
“The thief on the cross believed in Christ and was saved. Would it have harmed anybody if the thief had not died on the cross, but had come down to tell us how he believed in Christ?
Like the thief on the cross, I, too, believed in the doctrine of Christ, and found my salvation in it. This is not a far-fetched comparison; it worthily describes the condition of anguish and despair I was once in at the thought of life and of death, and it also indicates the peace and happiness that now fill my soul.
Like the thief, I knew that my life was full of wickedness; I saw that the greater part of those around me were morally no better than I was. Like the thief, too, I knew that I was unhappy, and that I suffered; and that all around me were unhappy and suffering likewise, and I saw no way out of this state of misery but through death.
Like the thief, I was nailed, as it were by some invisible power, to this life of suffering and evil; and the same dreadful darkness of death that awaited the thief, after his useless suffering and enduring of the evils of life, awaited me.
In all this I was like the thief, but there was this difference between us: he was dying, and I still lived. The thief could believe that his salvation would be realized beyond the grave, but I could not; because, putting aside the life beyond the grave, I had yet to live on earth. I did not, however, understand life. It seemed awful to me until I heard the words of Christ and understood them; and then life and death no longer seemed to be evils; instead of despair I felt the joy of possessing a life that death has no power to destroy.
Can it harm anyone if I relate how it was that this change was effected in me?”
- Leo Tolstoy (What I believe)
“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
- Albert Camus
I was going to write a paragraph or two but there’s too much to say -_______-
Kierkegaard’s last written words on his deathbed broke my heart.
“I have nothing more to add. But let me merely say this, which in a way is my life, is to me the content of my life, its fullness, its bliss, its peace and satisfaction. Let me express this, a view of life which comprehends the idea of humanity and of human equality: Christianity implies, unconditionally, that every man, every single individual, is equally close to God … How close and equally close? Because Loved by Him. Consequently there is equality between man and man. If there is any distinction, it is that one person bears in mind that he is loved, perhaps day after day, perhaps day after day for seventy years, perhaps with only one longing, a longing for eternity so that he really can grasp this thought and go through life with it, concerning himself with the blessed occupation of meditating on how he is loved—and not, alas, because of his virtue. Another person perhaps does not remember that he is loved, perhaps goes on year after year, day after day, and does not think of his being loved; or perhaps he is glad and grateful to be loved by his wife, by his children, by his friends, by his contemporaries, but he does not think of his being loved by God. Or perhaps he laments not being loved by anyone and does not think of being loved by God. Infinite, divine love; it makes no distinction! But what of human ingratitude? If there is an equality among us men in which we completely resemble each other, it is that not one of us truly thinks about being loved!”
I’ve been through the most severe depression I ever had for the past 2 months. So far, there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t been struggling with suicide, so I didn’t get to enjoy my summer to the fullest extent as a result. To live life is to rebel against it. Luckily, I still have hope.
“If I have ventured wrongly, very well, life then helps me with its penalty. But if I haven’t ventured at all, who helps me then?”
- Soren Kierkegaard
“Jesus had to suffer and be rejected. … Suffering and being rejected are not the same. Even in his suffering Jesus could have been the celebrated Christ. Indeed, the entire compassion and admiration of the world could focus on the suffering. Looked upon as something tragic, the suffering could in itself convey its own value, its own honor and dignity. But Jesus is the Christ who was rejected in his suffering. Rejection removed all dignity and honor from his suffering. It had to be dishonorable suffering. Suffering and rejection express in summary form the cross of Jesus. Death on the cross means to suffer and to die as one rejected and cast out. It was by divine necessity that Jesus had to suffer and be rejected. Any attempt to hinder what is necessary is satanic. Even, or especially, if such an attempt comes from the circle of disciples, because it intends to prevent Christ from being Christ. The fact that it is Peter, the rock of the church, who makes himself guilty doing this just after he has confessed Jesus to be the Christ and has been commissioned by Christ, shows that from its very beginning the church has taken offense at the suffering of Christ. It does not want that kind of Lord, and as Christ’s church it does not want to be forced to accept the law of suffering from its Lord.”
“The cross is not random suffering, but necessary suffering. The cross is not suffering that stems from natural existence; it is the suffering that comes from being Christian. … A Christianity that no longer took discipleship seriously remade the gospel into only the solace of cheap grace. Moreover, it drew no line between natural and Christian existence. Such a Christianity had to understand the cross as one’s daily misfortune, as the predicament and anxiety of our daily life. Here it has been forgotten that the cross also means being rejected, that the cross includes the shame of suffering. Being shunned, despised, and deserted by people, as in the psalmists unending lament, is an essential feature of the suffering of the cross, which cannot be comprehended by a Christianity that is unable to differentiate between a citizen’s ordinary existence and a Christian existence. The cross is suffering with Christ.”
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I got interested in Bonhoeffer only recently. I often avoided the concept of grace because of my resentment of dogmatism and any systematic thought that tried to put Christ in a box. If anything, grace seemed to me for most people as an excuse or an escape to not accept the world and the human condition for what it is. After the last 2 weeks and a lot of torturing thoughts I’ve gone through, I can say I now realize God’s grace and its central importance in what it means to love others, but not Luther’s and church’s cheap way of looking at it. Grace as a means of a key to an afterlife is an absurd and egotistic desire.
I have to pack for 5 day retreat… I hope they have wifi connection there
“Above all, do not lie to yourself. A man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himself or anywhere around him, and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others. There are things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself, and every decent man has a number of such things stored away in his mind. The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month.”
- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Every New Semester:
After First Week:
After Second Week:
Before the Mid-Term Test:
During the Mid-Term Test:
After the Mid-Term Test:
Before the Final Exams:
Once Get to Know the Final Exam Schedule:
7 Days Before the Final Exam:
6 Days Before the Final Exam:
5 Days Before the Final Exam:
4 Days Before the Final Exam:
3 Days Before the Final Exam:
2 Days Before the Final Exam:
1 Day Before the Final Exam:
The Night Before the Final Exam:
1 Hour Before the Final Exam:
During the Final Exam:
Once Walk Out From the Examination Hall:
After the Final Exam, During the Holiday:
my life right here..
(via oui-anna)
I’m getting eaten alive by mosquitoes (self-evident)
“In adolescence, I hated life and was continually on the verge of suicide, from which, however, I was restrained by the desire for more knowledge. Now, on the contrary, I enjoy life; I might almost say that with every year that passes I enjoy it more. This is due partly to having discovered what were the things that I most desired, and having gradually acquired many of these things. Partly it is due to having successfully dismissed certain objects of desire such as the acquisition of indubitable knowledge about something or other as essentially unattainable. But very largely it is due to a diminishing preoccupation with myself. Like others, I had the habit of meditating on my sins, follies, and shortcomings. I seemed to myself no doubt justly a miserable specimen.Gradually I learned to be indifferent to myself and my deficiencies; I came to centre my attention increasingly upon external objects: the state of the world, various branches of knowledge, individuals for whom I felt affection. ”
- To fear love, is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.
- Bertrand Russell (Conquest of Happiness)
“The world has generally no understanding of what is truly horrifying. The despair that not only does not cause any inconvenience in life, but makes life convenient and comfortable, is naturally enough in no way regarded as despair. That this is the worldly view is evident, among all things, from nearly all the proverbs, which are nothing but rules of prudence.”
—- Out of love, God becomes man. He says: “See, here is what it is to be a human being.”
- Soren Kierkegaard (Sickness Unto Death)
Reading Nietzsche was extraordinarily relatable to me. I often felt like he was speaking directly to me (mostly when belittling, and insulting for being too cowardly to assert myself, and views onto the world, rather than being left empty when you can’t find them already present).
This is virtue to me as well. To have ideal rule passion, and desire. To suppress urges, and emotions, and operate on ideals, as well as intellectual, and moral plateaus. To subjugate the animals, to the heavens.
I don’t agree with many of Nietzsche’s ideas on how things ought to be, but I cannot deny the genius of the world he creates for himself with the courage, and honesty through which he viewed himself, and humanity.
so tired….. -_-;
“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music”
-Friedrich Nietzsche
“Wittgenstein is probably the philosopher who has helped me most at moments of difficulty. He’s a kind of saviour to me for times of great emotional and intellectual distress”
In Denial
(:
Life is a pain and often I feel someone put some kind of horrible joke on me. But this one like many quotes has inspired me to become the individual to aspire to become something greater. I chose this one as it exemplifies three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong that have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity and compassion for the suffering of humankind. These passions have been the center of my reason for living, reaching to the very verge of despair.
Bertrand Russell -
“I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy—ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness—that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what—at last—I have found.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.
Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.
This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.”
):
Tumblr isn’t for me
